HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH FEAR? #1

This Wednesday, I celebrated my birthday. On my birthday eve, I took some time to reflect on the year that was ending, particularly the high points and the things I was grateful for. Several minutes into my reflection, I realized there were so many good things – big and small, that had happened to me in the last 365 days. My heart filled with so much gratitude, I went to bed relaxed and calm.

At about 3 am on Wednesday 17th March 2021, a call woke me. It was from my special someone, it made me happy that he had stayed awake to send me messages, make so many posts on Whatsapp, and call. We spoke for a few minutes, and he went to bed. It is always difficult to go back to sleep when I wake up at such times, so I prayed and mused on my expectations for the year for a bit. I was suddenly overwhelmed by the fear of the many things that could go wrong in this new year. These thoughts dampened my spirit, I wasn’t even able to tell my colleagues who I was sharing a chalet with that it was my birthday.

Was it wrong to be afraid? No. But it is so wrong to let the fear of an incident that you anticipate to happen in the future steal your joy. What is even fear? Fear is majorly that feeling we get when things get out of control (or in my case, when we think things will get out of control). It is just a feeling. And what I know about feelings is that they are fickle.

In dealing with the fear I felt, I had to take some time to confront them one after the other. Trust me, with all the noise in the world, it is an awkward process. It requires a level of quiet and alone time, but it is VERY rewarding. What this confrontation does is help you dig deep into the source of the fear. Many times, fear arises from the feeling of losing control, but why worry about things we cannot control, when in the end we cannot control them. 

If I am scared that my parent will die, I cannot change that no matter what I do. But I can make the most of the time I have with them by being present in their lives, providing what I can to make their lives comfortable, and letting them know how much they mean to me. In this scenario, I have turned the fear I felt into a motivation to do better. You can play this trick with any other fear. 

For us, single ladies, one of the biggest fears could be NOT GETTING MARRIED. This is valid especially for those of us who desire to marry, live with a man and have children. As valid as this is, we are also not in total control of the outcomes. The best we can do is to be open to love in our interactions, evaluate relationships and prepare mentally for marriage. That way, we are ready for the process when we meet someone.

In addition to evaluating our fears and turning them into motivation, one tip that helps is to learn to detach ourselves from feelings and things. I will talk more about this in my next post. 

Please share (in the comment box) any tips you have discovered for dealing with fear, I will also love to hear if this helped.