RELIABLY UNRELIABLE (#1)

Today took an interesting turn the moment Annie knocked. From the kitchen I could hear her murmuring about how I like to lock myself in always. She opened the door and headed straight to the kitchen where I was making ewa(beans).

“Babe, this ewa aroma dey make me drunk” she said. “who is coming for lunch?” she quickly added with excitement in her voice.

“Abeg Annie leave me biko! So I no fit make decent ewa unless someone is visiting, ehh?” I retorted. “Anyway, I discovered a new way to prepare beans. Funmi, my babe from secondary school made it the last time I visited, it was so nice. I had to ask for the recipe. Hope you aint staying long because I am not giving you a taste.”

“Hmmm, stingy babe, na your M.O be that na” she responded with a smile.

“Watefa! Which gist you carry come?”

“So I be BBC abina TATAFO TV? She pouted theatrically.

“Yes na, you always get juicy gist plus I be better audience” I answered, laughing at her facial expression.

“Can you believe Enitan has ended things with Bob?” Annie had switched to her gist-voice.

“Ehh? Say again?” I screamed.

“Yes, I know you won’t hear, do you ever hear anything?” she snapped.

“No vex Ma, but what happened? Why the breakup? Their relationship was made-in-heaven. I almost envied them ooo”.

“Almost or you already did? Trust men to mess things up. Bobs forgot her birthday for the third time in a row”

“Hmm, that is bad ooo. But is that enough to call it quits?”

“Babe, am not Eni, I am sure she has her reasons. Whatever her reasons, I am always glad when men get treated right”.

“Easy joor, what is this? What is your story with men sef?”

“Long or short version?” Annie obviously came prepared.

“Short will do. I sense we have so much to discuss.”

“Before I say anything, serve her Majesty a plate of ewa with that your Ijebugarri. Ensure the water is dead” she winks and smiles.

“As her majesty pleases. You go chop this beans for your dream because if I give you for real life you go pack come live with me”.

“Hahaha, I make a good flat mate ooo”.

“On an island abi?” I retorted.

“Back to the matter abeg, wetin men do you like dis?”

“Men! They never come through, they are never there when you need them” she was becoming emotional like I have never seen before.

“I am sorry dear, I know what a string of unreliability feels like”.

“Un-what?”

“Unreliability now” feeling slightly offended.

“Your English too plenty sef. Na night skool I kuku go. Abeg wetin that one mean?”

“Unreliability is the inability of a person to come through for another person or to live up to an agreement in human interaction”.

“Human interaction kwa?”

“Yes, I use that because unreliability affects every sphere of human interaction, not just exclusive relationships. If your Lecturer keeps missing lectures or comes thirty minutes before the end of his lecture time, he is unreliable and you will take your time getting to his lecture.

If a Tailor swears your cloth will be ready on a said date but doesn’t deliver the cloth whether because the sewing isn’t complete or because the style is different from what you asked for, he/she is unreliable. I needn’t tell you what your reaction to such a trend will be because we all have experienced it at one point or another. Probably these two examples are not too close.

What of a parent who promises to get their child a gift for taking first position in class and doesn’t fulfill that promise despite the child’s consistent excellence?

You are unreliable when you don’t live up to your words”.

“Hmmm, Madam human-interaction, you captured it all so well. But babe o, shey you know say you sabi plenty things regarding relationship and human-interaction?”

“Na so! Annie you done start again shey? Well, I can’t say I am an expert, but I try to understand it because human life and happiness is hinged on human interaction. Can I ask you Annie?”

“Yes please”.

“Why do you think unreliability is a big issue?”

“From my experience” she began, “relying on others is what we do as humans. No matter how independent we are, there is always somethings we can’t do for ourselves which someone must do for us. No one is an island. We always need support from others. Reliability gives us a level of stability, without which we are just afloat”.

”.

“Well said my dear friend. And you say you no go skool.”

“Wetin we go do na” she was looking at something on her feet.

“Being with an unreliable person sucks wallai”. I didn’t want us to drift from the conversation.

“So like in Eni and Bob’s case, do you think she was right to have called it off? As for me, I think it serves him right sha”.

“Let me begin by saying that we must always realize that most times people become unreliable because they are unable to state the real situation. Say a girl needs recharge card and asks a guy, he doesn’t have cash to buy it or even airtime to transfer to her, but he says yes to her request. In the end, despite his effort, if he doesn’t send it, the girl feels he is so unreliable, even if he really tried to meet up. Things would be interpreted differently if he had mentioned that he dint have cash/airtime but that he will send her something if he gets.

Back to your question, I cannot say if Eni is right or not, this is because if it was business, I will say a big YES. Unreliability is very bad for business. But in exclusive relationships such as theirs, when the trend begins the receiver should talk, even complain, this will show their displeasure and if the unreliable party really cares, he/she will adjust.

The receiver must also realize that no one is perfect and that we all have weaknesses and sometimes make mistakes. In a case where unreliability is habitual for one party, the receiver should consider staying if they are able to tolerate or probably give them some distance or call it quits.

It is important to note that unreliability has a way of decreasing self-worth in the person at the receiving end. It makes him/her feel inadequate, unworthy and sometimes it makes them feel like they are the cause of the other person’s unreliability”.

“Hmmm, I copy gurl. I can attest to this decrease in self-worth you mentioned. It took me a long while to get it back after my first experience with an unreliable partner” Annie interjected.

“My dear, it has a serious effect on the receiver and the interaction. Unreliability doesn’t just affect the interaction, it sometimes leaves an indelible scar on the receiver. It also diminishes trust, it makes the receiver paranoid, projecting that everyone he/she interacts with or enters a relationship with will be as unreliable as the previous person, which is very unhealthy”.

“Wow! I didn’t think of all that o. Madam de Madam, de Madam of Human-interaction!!!”.

“Abeg never shout down my roof, I still be tenant o.! Ehen, the beans done cold small, wetin you wan use chop am? Garri or bread? I just dey give you because …”

to be continued